紐約

四月一日:史雷特探員

每個城市都有它的雙重性,而紐約有它的自我矛盾。

我在馬格內訓練中心的表演課上遇到了史雷特探員;史雷特是個禿頭、身材魁梧的中年男性,同時穿著奇異的嘻哈裝扮。此組合讓他看起來像是呈現粉彩顏色的英國國家黨新納粹成員。他高亢的笑聲與利落的動作讓我想到電視劇《絕命毒師》裡的狄恩諾瑞斯。

史雷特代表了紐約無法令人理解的雙重性:在這個城市,我常常對於人們同時間表達極度友善與荒謬的冒犯言語感到嘖嘖稱奇。

我喜歡這個城市的開放性,在紐約、人人都是你的老哥或是兄弟,即使你不認識彼此。但,在愉悅的氣氛底下,史雷特總是在句子裡加入某些攻擊性的字眼:「老哥,回家去學點英文吧。」,「你說你的名字是青蔥衝?」並讓當下的你目瞪口呆,久久說不出話來。

接下來,他會接下一句:「兄弟,跟你開玩笑的。」

我永遠也無法理解史雷特的真正用意:究竟是來自於史雷特某個生理上的需求,而刻意地挑發肢體衝突,或是,他存粹地想成為一名討人厭之人物?

因此,我便開始叫他胖胖白種垃圾,之後也接了下一句:「兄弟,我也是開玩笑的。」在我講完的當下、史雷特的笑容凝結在臉上,並投射出一膽戰心驚的眼神:此種眼神,你知道下面接著臉上的直拳攻擊。

這是我人生最漫長的數秒鐘之一,在這僵持的瞬間、我理解到身體與語言的極限讓一個人軟弱,在這當下會有兩種可能發生:第一,我會被痛打一頓,第二,我會被用非我母語之語言嚴詞羞辱,此兩者,不論是肢體上、或是語言上,我均佔了下風。

最後,史雷特爆出一勉強的大笑,搖著我的肩膀稱讚我的風趣幽默。我也笑了,不過出自由衷的開心與釋懷。

截至目前為止,我仍不習慣與人正面衝突。

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紐約

三月二十六:美國朋友

在我24到25歲之間,我花了一年的青春歲月在中國民國海軍陸戰隊上。除了一般軍旅生涯記憶如背著半自動機關槍游泳、在熱帶叢林中睡覺、如狗般的工作並被非人地對待之外。我經常鮮明地想起定期來營區尋訪的美軍顧問團。

因為台灣與美國的「特別關係」,每一段時間,總是有美軍顧問來訪問我們位於高雄左營的基地。

不同於歐洲的殖民者,美國人有著親切與熱忱的特質,他們總是與低階軍官一起在餐廳用餐、他們會用平和的方式跟你說話、並拍著你的肩膀像是畢生中最好的朋友。如果他們高興的話,還會給你口袋裡的口香糖跟巧克力。

如果你問到關於伊戰的傷亡人數,他們總是告訴你:「這些問題,我們都交給是穿西裝的人去解決,而我們,穿制服的人,只在意如何執行任務。」

實際上,他們總是跳過戰爭中實際的作戰細節,而特別強調軍隊精密複雜的補給系統,他們總是說:“當我們從美國運送一個起司漢堡至巴格達,到了機場的時候它還會是熱的!“

我總是好奇,他們是否曾在從巴格達送羊肉沙威馬回到美國?而當抵達華盛頓時,是否也還會是熱的?

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紐約

三月二十日:旅程開始之前

當我在候機室等待的時候,頭頂上響起了美國聯合航空的廣播:請軍事人員與「全球勤務」的員工於優先入口準備登機。接下來身邊幾個小平頭的彪形大漢提著行李走向了櫃台。

我喜歡美國祕密情務的公開性、還有「全球勤務」這個詞聽起來像是某個很厲害的比薩快遞公司。

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紐約

紐約後記與前記

當我的飛機從紐約降落至倫敦,我從機場大門走入巴士,巴士緩慢的晃回河的南岸,

在New Cross出站後,我拖著行李穿過週五晚喝酒的人群。

我發現我又回到了家裡。

當坐在沙發上時,很奇怪的是你感覺似乎從未離開過家門,你只是去了英國的另一個城鎮,

那裡有著奇怪的口音,掛著奇怪的國旗,磚造的房子改成奇異的高樓大廈。

唯一的差別只是紐約與倫敦相隔五個小時,當你從臨晨出發至機場,回到家中已然半夜,你心中感歎著人生又失去了一天在枯坐與玩手機當中渡過。

下列的文章,為紐約日記的中文版,

事隔一個月,諸多部份在物換星移之下作了內容上調整,另外部份文章則作選擇性省略。

 

 

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紐約

2000 light years from home

This is the last day and the last post of my travel.

My name is Ting-Tong, Chang. I spent 26 years in Taiwan, 4 years in London and 1 month in New York. I met different people in different phases of my life, some are nice persons, some are assholes, some are mean and some are repressed. But I can say that throughout my life, I never meet any bad person (well, maybe some people are below the standard of a good person). I guess this means that there is still some hope in our humanity.

I am 30 years old, I think of myself still in the best time of my life. I consider life as the infinite combinations of chances, and the reality is only one set of possibility out of the limitless cosmos. Few hours later, I will be flying to a place that I call home and there will be countless adventures waiting in the unknown future.

As what artist Cai Guo-Qiang once said: ‘I am Chinese, I am eternally Optimistic.’

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紐約

The play about J

It was a story about a Dominican guy called J who immigrated to uptown Manhattan in 1991. You can describe J as a working person, he has spent most of his life as a manual labour. J has a family. He lives in a two bedrooms apartment with his wife, two daughters and a stepson.

One day, J went into madness, he took a kitchen knife, threatened his wife and locked her in the bedroom. The stepson realized and called the police. When J saw the officers at the front door, he broke though the window, covered with blood, climbed to the edge of the building and proclaimed that if any cop approaches him, he will have a great leap forward and end his life.

Several months later, I met J at room 45 of the New York State Criminal Court. That day, he was surrounded by whole bunch of people: the police, the judge, the lawyer, the witnesses and the jury. The courtroom was a theatre. Within it, there was a plot, a set, actors/actresses, a director, a crew of technicians and J was the leading actor—the centre of the play—a baffling subject of research.

The play was divided in to three parts: The first was a doctor sitting on the witness seat, explaining how J’s wife was heavily beaten, and the degree of distress while she was in the hospital. The second witness was the stepson who had a bitter relationship with J and described him as the most evil person in the neighborhood. The last part was a NYPD detective, who dealt with J at the crime scene, recounted how mentally disturbed J was and the process of his arrest.

In each part, the lawyer and the prosecutor acted as the interpreters of truth, by asking questions to the witnesses and making speeches, they built up their own interpretations and discourses toward the mystical event. By saying ‘sustained’ or ‘overruled,’ the judge was the person that controls the rhythm of the play, the flow of language. He decides at which moment a person should speak and at which point he/she should stop. What was left for the jury, the silent partners, was more about choosing an explanation of reality rather than seeking for truth.

What was ultimately peculiar about the whole process was that every performer was talking about J, or doing something related to J, but at the same time ignoring the fact that he was right in the room.

Since then, I often thought about J, his crime and his unfortunate future. I thought about how the justice system became a mystified part of the society by its legal terms, complicated process and legislation. Eventually, the court is nothing but a ritual fulfilling a basic need of the society—to cope with its internal tension and conflict, by defining the borderline of what are legal/illegal, moral/immoral and social/anti-social.

The play about J was left in an open ending because I didn’t wait until the announcement of his sentence. But I was really certain that this would be a fuck up ending. Firstly, was because he had a lousy lawyer. Secondly, was because he belongs to a social group that provides the major labour force to prisons and other related institutes.

The play about J, is particular and at the same time universal: it is about a person’s struggle dealing with poverty, hostility, violence and freedom of choice in a free society.

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